Thanksgiving my arse!

There are so many reasons why not to celebrate thanksgiving period, much less eat a gutted out dead bird stuffed with giblet sauce, but I won’t get into all of that. I will paint a happy face on for the Native American slaughter day… oops I meant thanksgiving.

When you think of turkey, you don’t really think of them to be social, playful, musically inclined (lol) creatures, but they are. They play, talk, and care for each other, and will even recognize you if you continuously visit them.

But between thanksgiving and Christmas, we still continue to kill over 60 million of these intelligent birds every year to use as centerpieces for a single nights meal.

It’s so pathetic.

We stuff them in cages; kill them for food at only 5-6 months old, when they could live up to about 4 years. We chop off their beaks to keep them from killing each other while stressed out packed tight in cages. We cut off the little red snood thing from the male bird’s chest, neck, and beak area without any kind of pain reliever whatsoever.

Who do we think we are????

Usually, in our society, the only time we see a turkey is when his head is missing, he’s stuffed with all kinds of… stuff, and he’s roasted to a golden brown, surrounded by side items.

Why do we do these things to living creatures?

Does anyone ever stop to think that maybe the bird had a family?

Do people even know the real history behind this so called “holy day?”

Do they know that “Thanksgiving” didn’t even involve turkey?

What is wrong with this picture? Why don’t people want to know the truth? Why do they continue to slaughter beautiful, innocent life in the name of “God”?

It is amazing how twisted and perverted we have become. To take a life, burn it at the stake, then stand around and thank the heavens for another beings sacrifice, delighted with gluttony. ..

It makes me sick to think about it.

How do you think this makes the Native Americans feel?

Stop the slaughter it has been going on in this country for 400 years. Stop the pointless torture, the filth, the evil.

Eh… what the hell… no one cares anyway… they’ll read all kinds of stuff about the insanity that surrounds this nationally celebrated day of torture, deception, and intentional murder, then go right back to slicing off a turkey leg to chew on while watching the football game.

F#$king humans….

Oh yeah… Happy Thanksgiving.

I just started school!!!... again.

yeah, i'm going back. i have found a new love, and i will never let her go. i have been seeing her for awhile now, her name is graphic design. i knew that i liked her, but i didn't know it would go this far. i'm actually committed to her. i may marry her, make her my forever. if you know me, you know how hard it is for me to commit to something. but i think this may be it. or maybe this is just me trying to talk myself into it. who knows.

i already have a woman on the side too. her name is sasha... she's a sexy, black silvertone, 6 string, dual humbucker electric guitar. look at her shine.
i had to trade in a Fender Starcaster, which was a cheap bestbuy/walmart type guitar and a Squire/Fender Telecaster which i got for a steal at my favorite pawn shop and pay 20 bucks to win her heart, but now shes mine and we are in love.

The baby is getting bigger every day. we went to the 20 week ultrasound and everything is wonderful.
I can't wait to meet him.

until next time. Peace.

blah...numb fingers.

well...

i don't really have much to say today. her kids are once again, under my watch, and the youngest one is acting like a butt squeeze. but i guess that's just what kids do.

i went to my friends house last night, practicing guitar. my fingers are sooo raw and numb.

but i like it, to hear the sounds that come out of this thing, makes me want to get back into producing again.

now i have enough toys to keep me busy for a while. my camera plus my guitar and my computer should keep my interests for at least a few months...ha!

with a baby on the way, i'm going to need something to do since i will be. BROKE. well maybe not. i shouldn't condemn myself to fate of others.

check out my photoblog @ http://www.perrynstreeter.shutterchance.com/.

to be honest, i'm kind of excited about the baby, but don't tell anybody...shhh.

today's my birthday

it makes me think about all of the things that i thought i would've accomplished by now.

all the things that i shouldve done. all of the things that i shouldnt've done. all of the things i have done.

life goes on i suppose. maybe i should be more optimistic. maybe this next year will hold the changes needed for me to become who i would like to be.

do the things i would like to do...

time waits for no man...

i suppose i better get going... can't take my time anymore, i'm dying one second at a time. slowly, ever so slowly.

sometimes i feel alone... absolutely alone. solitude in the cold dark reaches of my own mind.

other times i feel crowded. bombarded by swarms of mosquitos pricking me all over, robbing me of my life energy. sucking me dry.

i can't say i don't like the feeling of being alone though. sometimes its the only way i can think clearly.

perhaps i should never look back again. leave those that i have left behind to fend for themselves in the fires of hell. maybe i should only look foward, carefully watching each step as its taken, drawing whats left of my existence on this plane out, in attempts to stretch my time.

maybe i should begin to enjoy what i have, and give more openly. freeing myself of desire for earthly, materialistic objects and money.

perhaps, i should just be...

photoshop... sheesh.

it's hard to even take regular pictures anymore.


the way people photoshop everything makes a normal photo taken with anything less than an 800.00 camera look like shit.


damn, guess i have to start saving and chatting it up with photoshop forum heads...

oh yeah. do you ever get the feeling that life is a dream? you know like, you can change anything at any given time>?

im beginning to feel like i'm in a perpetual dream state. nothing seems real anymore. maybe i smoke too much....lol.

caught you, you sneaky little bloodsucking bastard! i HATE YOU, I FUKIN HATE YOU!!!! LOL! HAHAHAHAHAAA! I GOT YA U LITTLE FUCKER!!!!

issue file #1,246,752: The Salad... and the Muffins

now, this is a minor issue of course, yet an issue none the less.

here's the story.

first i have to take back a movie, that was 2 days late because she didn't watch it when she was supposed too, so while im taking it back im asked to go shopping for dinner for her and her kids...

ok, whatever.

so i go to the store, buy all the stuff, and a pack of muffins that i thought may be tasty.

so i put everything away, hide my little snack from the greedy little monsters.


so she makes the salad for everyone except me...

ok... fine.

strike 2, so i eat a muffin as they're eating dinner, and the youngest one, nosy little thing, sees me eating one of my muffins.

oh yeah, by the way, there are only 6 in pack for like 4 bucks.



[flashback]

now earlier i had the job of babysitting. ok, not my normal deal. but i do it anyway.

the older one, acts a goddamned fool the entire time over some bullshit. i mean, completely acting out. receives no discipline from her whatsoever.

i believe this is the reason they act up in the first place, because they know there are no real consequences.


[end flashback]

ok, so when i go outside to take out the trash, the little nosey one must've asked her if she could have a muffin, so of course the older one wants one too.


they ask if i bought some muffins.

my response:

"yeah, for me"

so just as i suspected when i come back in from taking out the trash, i see 2 more muffin wrappers in the garbage.

so she doesn't ask, and just gives away my shit.

now...

i would've probably gave the younger one a muffin because she has been good all day, but the older one wouldnt've got shit.

so i say "so that's how you do?" to her...

i get some disrespectful ass response that made me want to choke slam the little cunt against the wall.

and on top of that. the little one completely wastes the whole muffin that she just had to fucking have.

so first i don't get dinner made for me after i went out and bought all the shit.

then instead of asking me, she goes behind my back and gives away my shit.

then the little fucker doesn't even eat the muffin.

strike 3.


so i'm like wtf?!?!?

i mean i let you stay here, against my lease, for free i might add.

i got the notice today of having an unauthorized occupant.

then you disrespect me in front of the kids. thats why they feel they don't have to listen to shit i say.

and try to play me like im mad over some fucking muffins. its not the muffins asshole its the way you went about it. and the way you give them shit when they don't know how to fucking act anyway.

this small insignificant event, has many underlying factors that you, the reader, could'nt possibly want to hear.

but the end of the story is... she makes me fucking sick, has no respect for anyone, or anything, and then wonders why her life is fucked up.

no biggie, her ass will be out before the end of business tomorrow...

take that shit...

Right around the corner...

something happy that happened today...

i did go to my moms house and watch movies on her new ps3 and 52 inch high definition lcd tv...

SWEET!!!

Thanks mom you always brighten up my day... i love you.

the bullshit... again.

Here I am, writing once again.

It seems only fit to do this when things are going not so good. Writing about happiness doesn’t really float my boat. Everyone can be happy, and without being at the extreme end of that spectrum, what difference does it make?

Today, well yesterday now, she decided that she didn’t want to be in a relationship with me any longer. I can’t blame her for it though. Shit has really sucked as of lately. She said she was going to talk about it over our sushi dinner yesterday, or the other day, which would be Friday now, and I wouldn’t have appreciated that much at all. I don’t know what it is about her but she always thinks its best to break up over a fucking meal.

What kind of logic is that? I would rather receive that kind of information over a text message. Especially when the relationship is in the condition that this one is in.
She says she can no longer stand my “negativity”, and my constant badgering about what she does and how she does it. And that we aren’t making each other happy.
However, when I agree, which I do, she says that I’m less of a man for not being honest with her and telling her the truth, that I didn’t want to be with her anymore.
Im like… WTF?

I mean, I am a man of my word. And my seed is my word. And if I have one on the way, I would stick it out to make it better for my child no matter what it is.
Yet, she always says these things. And then, when I agree, goes off about how I should’ve told her that I wanted to do what she just said she wanted to do.

I know, I understand, its confusing. But it’s only confusing because it makes no fucking sense.

Maybe she feels that I’m not exerting enough emotion into the situation that we’re in. So as she goes through her emotional peaks and valleys, she has to find a way to pull me into it as well.
I try. I really do. I put myself through insanity to remain faithful and stable in this union I’ve created with someone who it losing their grip on reality and so forth.

I was going to stick it out. I really was, I was preparing myself to begin setting a foundation for a family with all 3 children. But her inner hate, bitterness, disgust, and lack of love, which I guess is slightly different from hate, prohibits her from being able to appreciate the situation she is in.

I once read that a bitter, negative woman, or any person for that matter loses energy from their heart when they are so angry and so emotional like that. This loss of energy keeps them from being able to be happy, it makes it difficult to heal themselves with love.
She has to realize that I can’t love her any more than she already loves herself.

And I think that all of her past decisions have finally caught up with her, and now she has to deal with the karma.
Of course, she would find some way to blame me for her predicament, if she was asked. Somehow, some kind of way I would be the cause.
I am always the cause.
People who live the “carefree” life, have a much different debt to pay back when its time to pay.
All of the partying, the sex, the drugs, the alcohol, and things of that nature are worth nothing down the line. Other than some pretty sweet, blurred, incomplete memories.
I guess when we do finally kick the bucket that’s all we really have anyway though. I don’t want to live a life that I will regret when its done. I want to change the world.

“I don’t want to become a product of my environment, I want my environment to become a product of me”

And tightening the bolts and screws down into the wood to fasten myself to a person with some pretty deep emotional issues will be, in my opinion, somewhat of a hindrance to that dream.
At least I didn’t have to make the call. She made it for me. Well sort of, we’ve had the talk many times.

And now she’s talking about getting an abortion??

I mean, why threaten me with that? Why attempt to draw me into that??

I told her to just give me the child once its born rather than do that, and I will take care of he or she by myself. But of course, in the traditional girlfriend manner, she says she would never do that.

Either she is going to get it aborted or find a way to disconnect herself from me forever.

Idle threats…

Silly child.

oh, and by the way, YES i do know the pictures have absolutely nothing to fucking do with the post whatsoever... so... shut up about the shit... sheesh.

Brandon

i was out detailing today, when i saw this young dude, training for football, track or whatever sport he's into... so i asked him if i could snap a couple shots of him, because i thought it would be a neat shot... he said he didn't mind, so i did.

this may be the best one, i could only get 5 of them because i had to get back to work, he was getting tired, plus he's just fast as fuck and hard to catch on camera...

but i think its keeewwwwll....

sushi...

tonight, well every night really i am beginning to think more and more. introspection is wonderful. and the more i experience life, and read, the more it makes me think about how i am going to shape and form my time here.

i went to eat sushi tonight with her... i call her that only to mask her name, and at least save some of her privacy.

our union has had a bit of trouble lately. stress, finances, and just plain old self discovery seem to get in the way of creating a happy situation. neither of us have the time or energy to be putting into this kind of thing.

but sometimes, when i look at her, i see the most beautiful person. not the angry, bitter, girl. but a kind soul being somehow consumed by hardship and bitterness.

maybe its me.

perhaps i'm the cause. well if i am then maybe some things need to be changed. maybe some aspects of our relationship should be reconsidered.

i watched the movie, Into The Wild, i think its called. with the dude from The Air I Breathe.

it was a brilliant film. more need to be made like this.

perhaps i may make one.

anyway, i rented it from the red box thing for a dollar. so it was definitely worth it.

ok, so back to earlier right.

after we ate the delish sushi, by the way Soya down on Laskin and Pacific, or maybe its Atlantic, is a wonderful restaurant, they remember my name and everything I love them.

their cuisine is extraordinary. perfect.

anyway, so we went to the oceanfront to look off into the ocean, it was kind of cold out so we stayed near the huge poseidon/neptune statue.

i think its a pretty good picture to not be posed.

She didn't even want me taking pictures of her. so she probably thought i was ignoring her and shooting something else.

i love the girl, i do. and i think its beginning to become that unconditional love that you have for a family member rather than the romantic love that she so desperately craves.

but anyway, overall i guess we had a cool time. i miss the days when we could just have fun, and not really worry about what is going on with all of this chaos around us. the movie, Into The Wild, really makes me want to take a trip, you know?

leave somewhere and well... i don't want to end up like that dude, but i would love to go on a soul journey, and i think i will. whether i plan it or just up and leave, i think i'm going to have to do that. but i would like to have a laptop and the internet when i do it.

and some electricity. and my camera... with batteries. and money...

i just want to have the feeling of being a kid again, free from the mental slavery that i seem to be currently encased in... surrounded by.

i want to live in nature, and not be controlled by false security created from american society. i want to be free. i want to see the world. maybe then i'll be happy.

crazy dre

ok, yesterday was another rained out day, so no work for me...

sigh...

so i decided to do something creative, constructive, and productive. a photo shoot.

as previously stated, i am an aspiring photographer. And yes, i do realize that this dream may not be accomplished overnight. And yes i do have this "instant gratification" thing going on.

but anyway, i called up derrick and dre... and said "hey, lets shoot some pictures"

they were down, arrived at my housed dressed and high, but hey whatever.

so we didn't really have any ideas, so we went down to the beach to get the creative flow started... i live like 2 mins, literally from the ocean front.

so, one thing i realize is that shooting people takes patience and cooperation from the subjects. and some people just aren't comfortable in front of the camera.

but anyway, dre, the crazy looking one, seems to just transform for the camera, he does realize great photos come from exaggerated, unique events.

so he begins his antics. sometimes, i actually thought he was going to kill himself doing some of the things he was doing. and derrick, just sits back and allows these things to happen.

so, as we walk through the various areas, i try to stop them so they could take at least a few well composed pictures, but i guess they just didn't really understand my vision. so i did the best i could with what i had. so when we finally get down to the sand, dre asks if i could see him through the viewfinder further down the beach, im like...

"oh shit, he's about to do some crazy shit" but i say yeah.

so i start shooting some shots, not knowing if i he was going to do a cart wheel, a dive, do something crazy to an unsuspecting locale or tourist. i was clueless, so i snapped like 200 shots of him walking rather than just switching to movie mode, because i had no idea of what was about to happen, but now you can see...

this dude walks, i mean literally walks, down the beach into the ocean fully clothed!!! i couldnt fucking believe it!! dude is nuts!!!

he even gets fans, randomly, from everywhere... LOL!!!

the grass on the other side of the fence

i detail cars for a "living", i mean please, do not let me downplay it, it does well. i guess the missing link is my 100% effort. i've been doing this for about 4 years now. its hard work, but it pays well, and the benefits are excellent. The people i've met over the years are wonderful, they have become my true friends.

yet, i am also, an aspiring photographer, writer, and producer. yes i know, its quite a wide array of interests, and there is almost no way of putting them all together... well there is... but i'm kind of lazy, and don't really have a sense of urgency that my "ol headz" seem to have had when they were in my position, at my age.

i'm also in this wierd relationship that was great when it wasn't serious, but now, there is a little one on the way, and that makes things... well... serious. so i write things about that.

And to be honest, i've been through a lot when it comes to relationships. sometimes i don't know whether i should let go or hold on in hopes that i've caught a diamond in the rough, that will somehow pull through the wreckage in order to evolve into this wonderous, perfect, ideal woman that will satisfy my every desire.

what should i do? should i leave the hopes of happiness behind in search of this mystery woman that supposedly exists that can make all my dreams come true?

i mean... its a confusing situation, and the grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence.

well... here i go again.

I was previously getting really deep into the whole blogging thing, about a year ago, but then i lost the ability to pay 60 bucks a month for net service.

f$#$%cking verizon.

now i am present, once again. to post photographs this time, with thoughts of "why"

accompanying them. life is simple yet extremely complex, and sometimes i lose myself within this paradox. sometimes the photos may speak for themselves, sometimes i will discuss

them, and most times i won't. however i will only post pictures i've taken here. none from the net.

i mean. how and why do we get lost in materialism? is it conditioning? from the media? government? society? why do we work so hard to obtain money, only to hoard it or spend it making someone else rich? why do we perpetuate this cycle? why do we feel the need to have what we see some bloke wearing on the idiot box?

does our mind really control the space, time and circumstances, surrounding us through this plastic medium we call reality?

if so, is the fault of our own that we usually have the inability to focus on any one desire long enough to manifest it?

perhaps it is easiest to accomplish this feat by obtaining material posessions. could that be the reason i can make sure i get what i want, but why am i still unsatisfied with my life?

is it because i'm not doing anything to further the evolution of humanity? not contributing? or is it because i desperately desire attention, and feel that i am not receiving enough praise for my own self acclaimed genius?

why do we feel that we have to be accepted by anyone else in order to validate our own lives? what is it that makes life feel uneventful, if you're not chasing the high of external senses? the answers are supposedly within...